Roast SEO – If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance your SEO isn’t working—and no one around you has the guts or knowledge to say it.
That’s where I come in. Bad seo isn’t a laughing matter. You’re losing money, rankings, opportunities, and customers at the same time!
This isn’t some templated checklist. This is a raw, personalized SEO roast delivered by someone who’s been doing this for over 20 years. I’m Webmaster Eric, and I’ve spent my career tearing apart underperforming websites, diagnosing exactly what’s broken, and rebuilding them to win online.
If your traffic is weak, your rankings are stagnant, or you’re pouring money into SEO and getting nothing back, it’s time to face the facts—most of your “optimization” is probably just noise. What you need is clarity, accountability, and truth.
What Happens When You Order the Roast
You’re not getting a bot. You’re not getting a mass-produced PDF. You’re getting me—personally—looking at your website, recording my screen, and breaking down your SEO with full transparency. I speak like a real human. I show receipts. I don’t sugarcoat anything. I explain what’s hurting your traffic, your visibility, and your credibility.
This is not theory. This is execution-level analysis, recorded in real time, for you to keep and act on.
I Audit What Most SEOs Won’t Touch
Most audits stop at surface-level nonsense. Meta tags. Keyword suggestions. A green light on a plugin. That’s not SEO—that’s checkbox busywork.
Here’s what I dive into:
- A full technical SEO breakdown, including page speed, mobile responsiveness, indexing issues, and crawlability
- On-page SEO elements like title tags, heading structure (H1/H2/H3), alt text quality, and keyword cannibalization
- Off-page factors including backlink profile, trust signals, and brand mentions
- Conversion leaks that kill momentum—even when you do get traffic
You might be attracting people, but is your site actually closing them? I’ll find the holes and expose them.
You Get a Real Human Audit
There’s no AI here. No templates. No fake fluff. This is a real video audit recorded by me, talking directly to you, explaining what’s happening on your website and how it’s affecting your business. You’ll hear my voice walking you through every critical issue, showing you exactly what’s broken—and more importantly, what to do about it.
It’s direct. It’s bold. It’s designed to make you better.
You Get a Fix Plan
At the end of the video, I include a custom list of action items. This is your playbook.
- What to fix right away
- What’s optional but powerful
- What you can ignore (because not everything matters)
You don’t have to hire me for anything else. The roast stands on its own. But if you want to bring me in to fix it for you, you’ll already have my full diagnosis ready to go.
Who This Is For
- Business owners tired of guessing why their competitors are outranking them
- Marketers sick of vague audits that don’t deliver clear action steps
- Developers who want a second opinion on their SEO structure
- Creators and entrepreneurs who feel invisible online and want results
Who This Is NOT For
- Anyone looking for sugar-coated compliments
- People unwilling to make changes or hear uncomfortable truths
- DIYers who want to keep pretending everything is fine
If you’re not ready for honesty, this isn’t for you. But if you’re ready to hear what no one else will say, I’ll give you the truth—unfiltered.
What You’ll Receive
- A 10 to 15-minute unfiltered video roast of your website’s SEO
- A written list of your top five to ten high-impact fixes
- Honest, real-world feedback from a seasoned pro
- Delivery within 48 to 72 hours
Final Word
You can keep spinning your wheels, running tests, downloading tools, or hoping some plugin will magically fix your SEO. Or—you can finally get clarity from someone who actually knows what they’re doing.
Your site might be close to winning. Or it might be quietly working against you. Either way, you deserve to know.
This roast isn’t for my ego—it’s for your evolution.
Order now. I’ll bring the truth. You bring the site.
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